


I Can't Escape This Now [Unless You Show Me How]

by i_wont_fall_asleep



Series: Night Visions [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: During season 3A, M/M, again written FOREVERS AGO so pretty inaccurate, so allison is alive, yay for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_wont_fall_asleep/pseuds/i_wont_fall_asleep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m not some hero or a saint. I’ve seen and done terrible things. I’m not what you need or want me to be.”</p>
<p>--Or the one where Derek is broken, but Stiles reasons that aren't we all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Escape This Now [Unless You Show Me How]

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Imagine Dragons' song 'Demons'  
> (listen to it)
> 
> And un-beta'd so any mistakes are past-mine because like I said, this is kinda old.

Jennifer Blake laid in front of Stiles, eyes open and empty, her mouth pulled into a final, surprised grimace, obviously not expecting the killing blow Derek’s claws had caused, piercing straight through her torso. Stiles stared at the body with a sort of faraway numbness that eventually comes from running with the supernatural long enough. He wasn’t sure if the desensitization was its own curse or blessing.

Derek sighed, low and defeated, reminding Stiles jarringly of the scene after Boyd’s death: the Alpha’s hands bloodied, standing over the body with the expression of a beaten, stripped bare man on his face. Jennifer may have been evil in the end, but the guilt of killing someone left its mark, regardless.

The other pack members were back at their respective homes, Stiles only there because he had come looking for his dad after she had kidnapped him. It was just him and Derek and the lifeless body of Ms. Blake in the abandoned building.

“Stiles.” Derek’s voice broke and he cleared it before trying again, “Stiles, we need to bury the body.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Stiles nodded, again not sure if he was comfortable with how comfortable he had become with the idea of hiding a body and covering up a murder.

The two carried the body between them and brought it to the outcropping of forest near the tall structure, Derek promptly digging until it was deemed deep and wide enough. They placed the corpse and quickly reburied, fixing the scene so no one would be able to detect anything amiss if they came looking. They stood there for a moment longer before they walked back to Stiles’ jeep, Derek wordless sliding into the passenger seat-much to the teenager’s surprise because on his best days, he simply annoyed the wolf and here he was choosing Stiles’ company on most likely one of his worst.

But Stiles didn’t question what it; he knew grief and what it did to a person-he knew that it took a hold of your most basic self and sometimes your actions didn’t make sense anymore. So he drove to the loft and followed Derek up, shuddering at the encompassing dampness and darkness and loneliness.

No one should live this way, Stiles thought, the loft filling him with the same feeling he felt as he watched his mother’s coffin disappear into the ground all those years ago,  he’s practically living in a tomb.

Derek looked up from his spot he had claimed on the water-logged couch, seeming to notice that he wasn’t alone, “You should go.”

“Derek…”

“I’m fine, Stiles. Go.” Although his voice rang with authority, Stiles could hear the emptiness behind it, as if everything that happened before this moment had taken all it could from the man in front of him and left a shell.

“No.”

“What?”

Stiles stared defiantly back, “I said ‘No’, Derek, as in ‘No, I’m not leaving.’”

Now, this was outright disobedience, of an Alpha’s orders nonetheless-something that he would have thought would be greeted with rage and bodily harm but instead was met with Derek’s broken stare and a sadly confused,

“Why?”

“What?”

Derek sighed, “Why aren’t you leaving?”

“Because, uh, you’re alone and you’re still healing and the alpha pack could be planning to attack when you’re still not in your best condition and-” Stiles mumbled on, unsure really why he was so determined to stay, except that he was.

“So?”

“What do you mean, ‘so’?”

“Stiles, being alone is something I’ve become accustomed to and if Decaulion wants me dead,” Derek looked down at his hands, the blood crusting and smelling of stale life, “so be it.”

Stiles stared for a long moment at the person before him, and he couldn’t recognize the fierce warrior he had come to associate with Derek Hale in the shattered, hopeless form.

“You can’t just give up, Derek!” His voice taking on a hysterical tone.

Derek looked up, a humourless smirk marring his beautiful features, “And why not?”

“Because the alpha pack is still running rampant, and what about Isaac and your creepy reviving Uncle who we all know is just waiting to do something awful and let’s not forget about the cancer in our lives that is Gerard fucking Argent!”

“You have Scott for all that-he’s a true alpha. He can handle it better than I could ever hope to.” Derek paused and laughed a bitter sound, “Did you know I was never supposed to be an Alpha? I was practically ingrained with the knowledge that I would be a Beta for life. And if anything ever happened to the family there would always be Laura. But then the fire happened and Peter happened and here I am in a role I was never prepared for. The Hales were one of the most respected clans of werewolves in the world, nearing on royalty-now look at us. Look at our kingdom now: all that remains is a sociopathic Uncle and a pathetic accidental-Alpha.”

“Derek-“ But Stiles didn’t know what to say because Derek had never been this open and honest and frankly it was a bit scary.

“You know I’m right.”

And it broke his heart because he saw that Derek believed those words, somewhere along the way he had let the darkness consume him and he held his failure as truth and inescapable.

“No,” Stiles sat next to Derek, taking his hand and placing it over his own human heart, “I don’t believe that for one minute. You have the power to make the Hale pack great again.”

“Stiles-“

“Did I lie? Could you feel my heartbeat change?”

“No. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“Because all that belief will do for you is leave you let down.” Derek let out in exasperation, “I’m not some hero or a saint. I’ve seen and done terrible things. I’m not what you need or want me to be.”

“Like hell you aren’t! Derek, I’ve never thought you to be perfect but you are a good person. No one goes through this life unscathed-and, sure, you just happen to bit a bit more scarred then most-but that doesn’t make you lesser of a person. So stand up and fight back.”

Derek eyed him warily, “I’m tired of fighting and I’m tired of inevitably losing. I’m tired of going against what feels like fate at this point. I should leave before I hurt anyone else.”

Stiles scoffed, anger lacing his tone, “Like who?”

“Like you, Stiles. You say I’m good but you don’t understand you hold this brilliance around you, this spark that is always in you. You constantly are willing to sacrifice yourself for the benefits of others. You let Lydia go to save Jackson, you helped Scott through his change when you could have just walked away and here you are still trying to save me.” Derek shook his head, “But I won’t let you extinguish that light by tying yourself to a sinking ship, if it’s the only honourable thing I do with my pitiful existence.”

Stiles huffed, annoyed as if Derek had missed something obvious that was right in front of him, “You said you feel like you’re fighting fate and you are-when you push me away. I tied myself to you that night I held you up in that pool for two hours straight. I told you I wouldn’t let you drown and I meant it. If you can’t see through the darkness then I guess I’ll have to get a flashlight and drag your werewolf-ass out with me.”

“I’m a mess. You deserve better than what I can offer.” Though the words seem half-hearted, as if there was a resounding honesty to Stiles’ words that made Derek want to have that, that made him want to try again.

“You’re my mess and you are exactly what I want.” He pushed Derek until he was lying flat on his back, the boy curled up on his chest, the steady beat of his heart a comfort to Stiles, “I’ll warn you, I’m possessive over what’s mine and this,” Stiles put his hand flat over Derek’s heart, “is Stilinski territory and I won’t be giving it up anytime soon.”

It was quiet for awhile, both listening to each other’s hearts until Derek whispered softly,

“Thank you.”

Stiles nuzzled into the heat of his neck and sighed softly, “For what?”

“For seeing something worthwhile in me.”

“I promise, you are more than just your demons, and are completely worthwhile.”

And for once in such a long, long time, Derek actually believed that.


End file.
